Talking To The Month That Is Mine

Hello November.

You find me at a time in my life where I have friends, a loving support network, and I feel stronger than ever.

I woke up feeling blue, a feeling that settles around me almost comfortingly. It disconcerts me because of the ease at which I fit into this blue mold. I almost feel like when I wipe my eyes in the morning, my fingertips and my hand will be blue.

But unlike this time last year, I can shake it off. My natural colour slowly coming through the blue, because I am more powerful now, it is not all-consuming. These days, I can still feel blue but be strong.

I facetime with Katie, and a weight rises off my chest as though Katie and I have tied balloons to my problems and sends them into the sky. It is good to laugh, and as I watch the balloons get smaller and smaller I marvel that these problems can just up, up and away. For so long, we were weighted down by so much, that to be weighted down by nothing sometimes makes me feel giddy.

I do not miss the place I grew up in, but I miss my favourite coffee shops, and some of the people I left there. Sometimes I think I did not fit in there, and I wonder if I’ll ever fit in anywhere. I struggle to care about it for very long.

I find myself doing that a lot; struggling to care. About being liked, about being too loud, about being too much for others, or for not being enough. I like myself, my company, and I have a lot of love to give. Truly, it is rewarding to give my time to those who want to give it back. And for those who don’t, I struggle to think about them for very long.

I feel Mum’s love everywhere I go, and I am so fortunate to have known her for so long. So many people go through their life without the vibrancy and love she has instilled in us. For her I am grateful, forever. I find so much comfort in the fact that I will love her forever. That truly is unshakeable in me.

I miss you, but love you more.

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9 thoughts on “Talking To The Month That Is Mine

  1. Wow Katie & Evee! I am new to your blog, but I just wanted to say how beautifully you both write…you somehow manage to craft words magically to convey your journey through grief…Evee – you’ve just brought tears to my eyes – I know exactly what you mean about unwavering love for someone special, who is no longer with us & I am glad you have both got to the point where you know it is ok to move on & that your Mum will be forever with you & forever in your hearts 💕 lots of love from a launderette in Brussels!!

  2. That’s such a beautiful photo and the perfect words to go with it. The balloons bit reminded us of one of our less successful ideas. We decided to release balloons with various messages written on the by me and son on his mums birthday. Unfortunately the buggers wouldn’t take off. We spent an hour throwing and kicking balloons in the air with the longest flight being about 3 yards. I’m so pleased your balloons are still flying. x

    1. thank you so much 🙂 That is also a lovely memory though, and one that brought a smile on my face reading it. It made me think of when Katie, a friend and I tried to do a message in a bottle, only the bottle kept washing back up onto shore hahahaha. x

  3. Reblogged this on craig's thoughts and commented:
    Hi Katie

    Thanks for the follow(s) * (+ likes), as the reason I write is to share.
    * (Though my family and close friends say it would be far more entertaining with a video-camera # in “real life”, rather than in cyberspace!)

    # By the way, do they still make them in today’s ever-faster changing world..or is it all done with mobile phones?

    (get with the times now,”luddite”* c – it should be a smart phone)

    * or so I was often called by my “my techno-geek” friend, Bill (“the gonk”)

    “total non-techno” c (who doesn’t possess a mobile phone, after a rather eventful’ experience some years back, whilst trying to walk, talk and chew gum at the same time)

    Who says men can’t multi-task!

    Kind regards and all the best with your blog


    “I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars.”

    “I make art out of chaos… or should that rather be chaos out of art?”

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