Twists and Turns

Sometimes, when I am alone with myself, I feel perfectly happy and complete. Other times, I feel alone. Like I’m a chicken scratch in dry mud when I’m meant to be parchment and expensive ink.

Something I have been wrestling with lately, is simply how exhausting self-soothing is. Constantly telling yourself everything will be okay because you don’t have your person who will tell it to you. Someone who you truly believe in, and someone who truly believes in you. I guess that’s why there’s so many religions in the world.

Self-soothing is the act of calming ourselves when we go through a stressful event. As I ease myself further into these new lockdown restrictions, I find myself getting more anxious. I soothe myself steadily, telling myself I can get through anything in an almost ritualistic manner. I work through my anxiety, gently unwinding myself with the techniques I have learnt.

Yet eventually, my fingers become numb trying to unwind these plaits and twists, and my chest aches through the act of trying to breathe away the stress. I get so exhausted looking at myself and trying to speak life into my body again. I don’t want to do it anymore.

I know that I will get through it, and I am not alone in my words. I know, but it doesn’t make it easier.

I guess one religion didn’t provide enough answers and strategies for us. Maybe that’s why we have so many.

Evee x

9 thoughts on “Twists and Turns

  1. Yes, God exists but so does evil, and so does Satan. If you were Satan, wouldn’t you do everything in your power to confuse people and keep them from the one true God? And this is exactly what he does. The Bible warns us not to be like those who “exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshipped and served created things rather than the Creator” (Romans 1:25).

  2. Nothing is easy, and we humans sometimes make it harder than it really is, when Im in that place, I always turn to some good hard metal music, if I have a headache it goes away, that’s what works for me, getting lost in the music, and writing about it.

  3. I don’t do religion, I believe there’s more to life than what the senses give us, but I will not be pulled in. If it helps another all well and good, but there are those who would use the moments of vulnerability to manipulate. For that is the “evil” (or whatever word) that we all need to avoid. Love is a good faith. Compassion is too. Oh and my favourite [Kindness].

  4. Grief is such a long road and personal
    Process. It has such a normal potential to move us closer to or farther from our belief systems. So many complicated layers. I’m sending you lots of care as you continue to navigate all that can come with this process. 🤍

  5. Words to myself seldom have the desired affect. To be honest, it feels like lying to myself, which creates a whole different kind of anxiety. I find my self-soothing best when I engage in my passion, focus my energy there, and let it instill its calmness around me. For me, it is cooking. For some, it’s gardening. For some, it is doing craft projects, or jigsaw puzzles… anything that requires your mind to be a part of what you’re doing, leaving no space for random, traveling thoughts about the past or future.

  6. I like your thoughts. For me, accepting what is, and finding the means to keep going, is most important. Anything soothing can also act as a container of addiction. I am a person in remission from drugs and alcohol. Belief systems work, as in religion, but only as long as I believe. I don’t have very many stories about belief, even then, I know they are beliefs. Believing never makes anything true or false, it’s a belief. Thanks so much for this blog.

  7. There are a great many people trying to cope w/ anxiety during this pandemic. It can be overwhelming to confront the very real possibility of death, especially when we feel isolated and alone. Christ does not promise that we will avoid all suffering in this world. He does promise to stand beside us, whatever comes. The assurance that we will spend eternity w/ Him in paradise is a great comfort to believers. <3

  8. These words hit me hard. When things are going ok in my mind I feel like I’m waiting for the next time I will have to talk myself through another low point. I hope you have made it through this time, and pray you will have peace in your mind, at least for a time.

    Kia kaha.

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