In the spirit of learning about myself, I have taken up a new hobby. It was completely unexpected, and simply because my friend said they wanted to pick it up, and another friend embroidered me a little something for my birthday.
I have taken to it! My first piece was simply quite shoddy, but I enjoy the catharsis of stabbing a piece of fabric and pulling it up through, to create something new.
My mum was an avid cross-stitcher. She created beautiful art, most notably, and my favourite being, an owl on a wood stump. I never really took to cross-stitch. I enjoy needlework so much, but having to follow a pattern, remember the lines you have carefully stitched, and then having to colour in the pattern, simply was too much.
I tried to cross stitch a squirrel with my Mum. I promptly tried to do it the way I wanted, and, of course, had to come to Mum with my squirrel tightly bound in my hoop, with my needle in my clammy hands. She furrowed her brow, told me what to do, and I laid my Cross-stitch squirrel to rest in the corner of my drawer, never to be sowed again.
As I sit, I begin to enjoy the freedom of embroidery. I feel like I have a whole new world at my feet, and I’m gently compiling a list in my mind of things I would like to do.
I would like my next project to be lavender with bees buzzing around it. I will look at it and remember my mum cross-stitching her hair rocking chair by the fire, and how she would look over her glasses at me. I will look at it and remember how she bought a magnifying lamp for her cross-stitch and how Katie and I would laugh at her peering into it.
Now, I’m thinking of getting one myself.
Gently, I will embroider, and I will sanctify that time and hobby as a way for me to productively grieve for her.
I miss you Mummy. I embroidered a piece with robins that I imagine are you and Nanny. Miss you more than I could ever, ever express. You are so special, and I just hope you are proud of me.