by thegriefreality

Growth #5: Healing

I look at myself in the mirror. A month ago, I would have pointed out the fact my hair hasn’t been cut in a while, the dark circles that made their home around my eyes, and the redness of my lips from being brutally picked at by anxiety.

I would have told myself my feet are too big, my hands are too big, my body is not slim enough, and my smile is too teethy.

I would have criticised my personality for not being enough; I would have berated myself for not being interesting enough when everyone else has so much to say.

I would have agreed silently, when people talked over me. I would have acknowledged their words are more important than mine. I would have rushed to make things better, to work harder, and to constantly be better.

When I look in the mirror, I smile. I shake my head and my long hair falls over my shoulders. How could I have picked my lips to the point of bleeding?

My eyes are framed by healthy night’s sleep, and my words fall out of my mouth without second guessing and with every freedom there is. My smile is the focal point of my happiness, and my body is my home again, no matter what happens.

I see my personality as enough. It always was really, at least for me. I am interesting when I find the people interesting, and I am funny when the people around me are worth making laugh.

I never had to be better. I never had to work harder. I never had to make things better.

Joy is found in your worldview. My worldview is clean and productive, and my joy is consistent with the good people around me.

I look in the mirror and see a product of my environment. I vow to never turn on myself, and I promise that I will seek self-improvement constantly, but for the right reasons now.

I love myself, and my smile grows wider (and teethier) at the thought. I feel forgiveness in my heart for people who can’t hold eye contact with their most honest side. I feel pity for them, but push it aside to focus on me.

I see a girl who got through a difficult year of her life. It was nothing like the worst, but it was nothing like the easiest. I see a girl who has been hurt, who has healed, and who looks to the future with bright eyes. I see a girl who is not perfect, who makes a plethora of mistakes, who has a library of stories and someone who keeps on trying, no matter what.

I see a young lady who I can be proud of.

I leave everyone who made me feel lesst han, behind in 2020, and I raise my eyes to the horizon.

Evee x

43 thoughts on “Growth #5: Healing”

  3. You have strong spirit and tender heart. I think that you are true beauty ❤️
    Your smile is angelic.
    Stay safe, stay healthy!
    Happy New Year!🎉

    Reply

  5. I’m glad that you are feeling better about yourself, we are always are own worst critics. I wish you all the best for you in this New Year and new chapter.:)

    Reply

  6. You don’t know this but I try to read your blog whenever I come on WordPress. I see a strong yet sensitive woman with the world at her feet. You have that rare gift of being in touch with yourself completely. I hope you had an enjoyable Christmas and wish you the best 2021 that is possible for you. 😊👍👍👍

    Reply

  12. Your strength and ability to fight the hardness is very inspiring! I could relate with a lot of the words you said and admire your courage to make that inner change which is basically the key to everything.. Thanks for a great post 🙂

    Reply

  18. Those simple things,
    those tiny,
    tightly folded things –

    they grow in our fingers
    and our hearts,
    into such
    rich and textured things:

    the things of tomorrow,
    the rain we haven’t played in yet,
    the idea we can’t wait to share,
    the soft hands, waiting for us to squeeze them,
    the hug we didn’t see coming,
    the us
    we started rebuilding
    with
    that first sip of water,
    back in the place where all we could see was a tap.

    Reply

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