This post should really be called “On Being Human”.
I think this is a poignant question, and one I think about often; especially as a young person being without their Mum. I think a question that is good to ask ourselves when we are trying to work out whether we have done the right thing, is how do we know when we have done the wrong thing?
For me, I know I have done the wrong thing when:
- I talk about the situation, I find myself trying to convince the recipient that I was in the right.
- If difficult questions are asked, I make excuses.
- I find it difficult to put myself in someone else’s shoes.
- The pit of my stomach twists.
- I get sweaty thinking about it.
I know that I’ve done the right thing when:
- I smile and my chest feels like it’s expanding with warmth.
- When I fall asleep at night, my mind is silent.
- When I think of the problem, I feel clean and peaceful.
I don’t really think it matters what anyone else actually thinks about situations. I think that what matters the most, is that when all falls silent: you know what you have done. For me, it happens when I am trying to fall asleep and I keep tussling over and over: did I do the right thing? Usually if we have, we don’t keep thinking about it, right? Especially if you have just tried to bring peace to yourself, if you have tried to bring peace to others.
It is okay to have insecurities, but I think what we need more in the world is forgiveness and apologies. When that ripple in my stomach comes up when I am doing something wrong I try to:
- Forgive myself for being human.
- Make amends.
- Learn for next time, to avoid the situation for a second, third, or fourth time.
I also think that there is a lot of emphasis placed on how many times do I have to learn?! I remember when I was a kid, my Mum would say “Why on earth don’t you ever learn the first time Evee?!” I think I’m still answering my Mum that today. But what I have learnt is that inevitably, the ripple of things being wrong ends up eating me alive until it is corrected, or that I have tried to. Whether this is a person in my life who does not bring joy, or whether this is a person I haven’t brought joy to. The latter is often harder to acknowledge than the first.
Ultimately, you will learn your lessons when you need to. From saying “I don’t care about fitting in”, “I am finally going to cut out dairy” (if you’re a lactose intolerant in denial like I was) or “I can’t keep doing this to myself”.
In this post, if you started to think about something, go, try and make amends, or forgive yourself.
That is when you will:
- Smile and your chest feels like it’s expanding with warmth.
- Fall asleep at night with a silent mind.
- Feel clean and peaceful about a problem you have.
You will have done the right thing.
Finally, if you have tried to make amends, and perhaps things dont go as you hoped, remember this:
- Nobody has to accept an apology.
- Your intention to correct actions was good and positive.
- You are human. You make mistakes.
- Regrets don’t change the past, but they do have the power to change the future.
Thank you for reading this all, my friend. I wish you nothing but love, peace and growth. I want you to thrive, instead of just survive. Whatever you’re going through: grow, learn and love.
Be in control.
(A hippie typing away in her room)