What Led Us Here?

First posted in March 2019. We have grown so much more than we ever thought we would, and we want to share our earlier posts. We aim to reflect on the early struggles of our grief, and what we went through without our mum. We are proud of where we have come from, and of where we are going. We hope you are as well.

If you are struggling with your grief, that is okay. You are not alone.

~

It was Evee who had the idea to create this blog a few months ago. She was unable to sleep one night, her mind whirring with thoughts about Mum and the situation we find ourselves in – two young girls 18 and 23, me a master’s student, Evee fresh out of 6th form, tackling probate, becoming homeowners and grieving. There was no one that we could relate to.

After the loss of our mum, we have tried several times to find information online about people in similar situations – to feel less alone, to get advice, to know that life can continue after all of the trauma. We couldn’t find anyone. So, we decided that we would become those people for others through The Grief Reality.

That’s not to say that we are over it. Personally, I cry every day over the loss of our mum, even 5 months down the line. That’s not to say we are any good at it either. Sometimes I feel as though we are the blind leading the blind. But if anyone can feel less alone by reading our experience, then mission accomplished.

The point is: grief is different for everyone. It is not like the films. There is no “textbook” way to grieve. If you have had all of these chaotic, contrasting feelings, then you can empathise, and if you can’t, that’s okay too. 

Nobody expects someone to write a book the same way, or run the exact same pace in a marathon, or drink the same drinks. Your grief is personal to you, because your relationship with your loved one is and was different to anyone else’s. But we are all going to grow, whether we grow around our grief or with our grief.

We are not sure how long we will be working on this blog – 1 year from now and it might be inactive – but if it can be used as a resource to anyone who is suffering the grief for a loved one, even in 5 years-time, then we are happy with that. 

Katie & Evee

Copyright © 2021 The Grief Reality. All Rights Reserved.

118 thoughts on “What Led Us Here?

  1. Your blog is great! Your work is admirable! I am very sorry for the loss of your mother. But what matters is her memory and your way of life after her. I think you will make her soul happy by hoping and transferring your experiences to others. So, Katie and Evee keep up the great job! And Stay safe and well!

  2. I still dream about my mum and nana most weeks but my mum died in 2002. Perhaps it is a way of connecting with our loved ones. My sympathies to you and your sister. As the years pass, grief changes but you still cling to memories, often with laughter.
    Just this morning, I was testing Zoom for a meeting and my husband, laughingly, said “Why is your mum on the screen?” I look just like her…

  3. It is a great blog. My Father died 16 years ago and my Mother 11 years ago. I still think of them and miss them. These are indelible relationships.
    You are lucky you’ve had them.
    Blessings

  4. A wonderful speech you have written here! Somehow it is shocking to read that you yourself had nowhere to go with your grief…. To decide under those circumstances to help others in similar situations deserves a lot of respect. Your blog is an example to others and an island where mourners can find peace.

  5. Thank you for sharing a part of your world!!… just let your fingers do the walking and your heart do the talking, the heart has all your answers!.. “No matter the pain or suffering, it is always better if it’s a burden shared by two, instead of a weight carried by one alone”… (Larry “Dutch” Woller)… 🙂

    Until we meet again..
    May your troubles be less
    Your blessings be more
    And nothing but happiness
    Come through your door
    (Irish Saying)

  6. Dear Katie and Evee,
    I wish Anita and I had been in England to be near you when your Mum passed away, but we are pleased that you found a community of folks by sharing your grief. If this blog ends, I will certainly miss you and hope you will stay in contact via email. If you ever come “across the Pond,” I expect you to look Anita and me up and stay at our unofficial B&B, nicknamed Rivendell. And if we come over to the true UK (she teaches at the imposter, aka University of Kentucky 😁) we will let you know and try to meet for tea or scones.
    As you so graciously posted my story of my Mother’s death, I noted there that I still miss her every day even though her “graduation” was in 1999.
    If you choose to continue to blog about the process of grief and find creative ways to use the blog to help others, you will do well. But if you choose to get back into busy young lives and do not have time for this, that is understandable.
    Don’t know if I ever mentioned it, but a brilliant book by another Brit, C.S.Lewis, addresses this subject from when his wife died, in “A Grief Observed.”
    ❤️&🙏, c.a.

  7. Sorry that you lost your mother. I was very close to my grannie who died in 2010. I still miss her but it doesn’t hurt quite so bad now. Only you can determine how long you need to grieve. It’s different for everyone.

  8. It was such a healthy and proactive thing for you to do to start this blog. When my Dad died when I was only 23 I could talk to no one … express nothing.. I only started to grieve him about 14 years later.. your blog helps a lot of people too so maybe this loss of your Mum served a very very positive purpose..I know it does not help to ease it, nothing can, only time and grieving but you should both be so proud of yourselves, you make a really powerful contribution to the world.

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