It blows my mind to think that I will be 27 this December when it can sometimes feel just 5 minutes ago that my mum passed away. Sometimes the speed in which time slips by can make me feel like a passive passenger.
My life has been filled with lots of big moments that are worth celebrating, and other moments worth grieving, but it is the small day-to-day moments that make up life, isn’t it?
Over the last year, I have hinted towards a new career path. I did not want to type it outright as I was quite afraid it was not concrete. However, I have just passed the 1st year mark in my MSc with grades far better than I had ever expected. So, I don’t mind telling you now that actually I am studying and training to become a Speech and Language Therapist.
With this change in trajectory, I find myself up north. I arrived here last September with so much hope for this new start – quite a delicate hope it turns out, which was chipped away with each of Boris’ announcements. Locked down in a city I did not yet know, I couldn’t rely on stumbling upon a quirky corner shop or meeting up with and making new friends. I grew anxious of the time slipping by.
But along with this struggle and now that we are free of restrictions, I’ve learned the importance of being intentional. To not wander passively through life, but actively put myself directly in the path of it. How have I achieved this?
Writing, funnily enough, morning and night. I write letters upon letters that set my intentions, be it making friends, exploring something new, studying efficiently, not excessively. And these letters are laced with gratitude in every sentence. Gratitude for what I am, what I have and what I am yet to attract – my intentions.
With my morning coffee, and beside a flickering candle before bed, I read aloud my intentions. I believe that what is meant for me is already mine. I trust that I do not need to know how my desires will come to fruition. I just trust that trust is enough. Just as one would put their order in with a waiter at a restaurant, I put my order in with the Universe and look forward to when it arrives.
And arrive it does. I have found that starting my day with this grateful routine, gratitude infiltrates my day; good conversations with friends, text messages inviting me to go out for lunch dates, dinner in the park, bike rides and people to go roller skating with, opportunities for Evee and I to speak publicly about grief!
One could argue that this has nothing to do with any external factor, other than myself. Perhaps that is true, and really we will never know, will we? However, incorporating this new ritual into my life that only focuses on love and gratitude lifts my vibrations higher. Like attracts like, if I leave my house with a smile on my face the day can only smile back.
I will always look back on this year with gratitude for the lessons and to work on myself. I’ve told you this before, but Mum would always say that “something bigger and better is looking after us” and I think its really important to remind ourselves of that once in a while!
Being intentional has taught me the fine and necessary balance between acceptance and surrender to the universe. What is yours is already yours. Let go and jump.
How do you live intentionally?