As Told By Tara

The thing I hate about grief is the thing…

and things…

I hated about planning a wedding.

Every time someone asks you what you need, you’re reluctant to share.

Because when you do, they question that decision.

They have an opinion on your decision.

They have an opinion on how you are grieving.

Or on how you are doing.

Or on what part you are dwelling on.

Or on the fact that you’re stuck.

Or on how it happened.

Or they tell you should be grateful to be in the position you’re in.

Or they tell you many didn’t have as much time as you did.

Then there are those who are kind enough to say they’ll help, but by the time they get to it, you’ve already done the thing/crossed it off the list/found the vendor/moved along to something else.

Then they get hurt that you didn’t wait for them to do it.

Then they say they just wanted to help but you didn’t let them in.

Then you’re not sure what your next move should be: honesty and say you had to do it, or move along? 

Then you’re stuck in a place where if you ask them why they didn’t do it then, you’re not sure if you can trust them to do something else.

So then they don’t want to ask.

But grief is like wedding planning, too, in that the days move.

The tasks move.

The ideas move.

And the needs move.

And then what do you do?

~

Thank you to Tara for this beautiful submission that shows the depth of the misunderstanding about grief. The lack of education on grief is one of the reasons it is so very isolating, in my opinion.

You can read more from Tara, by clicking here!

4 thoughts on “As Told By Tara

  1. So sad that we are so often inconsiderate, thinking WE should be offended because someone did not wait for us to help!
    But that is how most of us think lots of times. At our best, we will simply ‘be there’ for the grieving, to listen, to serve, to provide a shoulder, to simply sit in silence.
    Remember Job’s “comforters” who did not provide much comfort to him, but when they first arrived, they did the right thing: “And they sat with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was very great.” Job 2:13
    ❤️&🙏, c.a.

  2. A kind word, a loving touch, even a sympathetic look can work wonders for the grieving person. But, grief is an equalizer. Sometime or another we all feel it.

  3. Its so sad how true this feels.. The judgment you can receive from not doing grief ‘right’ in the many opinions and eyes of others is so unfair. In many ways, those takes are unsolicited, even if you took up their offer to let you share. And that’s a huge problem!

    There are as many ways to grieve as there are different people. I wish people could be even a little more mindful in the way they respond when it comes to truly listening to another’s pain. It really is isolating 💔

    Very well written, btw! 👏❤

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