First posted in June 2019. We have grown so much more than we ever thought we would, and we want to share our earlier posts. We aim to reflect on the early struggles of our grief, and what we went through without our mum. We are proud of where we have come from, and of where we are going. We hope you are as well.
If you are struggling with your grief, that is okay. You are not alone.
About a month ago, Evee was really ill. I heard her in the bathroom at 4 am. I jolted up in bed wide awake, ready to help her, calling out to let her know I was there. I went to the bathroom and sat beside her with a glass of water, holding her hair and rubbing her back.
She had a fever and was burning up. I removed her thick duvet from the bed and replaced it with a thin cotton sheet to let her fever cool, just as our mum used to do for us and, later, as we did for Mum when she was ill. I made sure Evee was comfortable and slipped back into my own bed.
In that moment I realised that although 8 months had passed by, I was still in that nurse-on-a-night-shift mode. 8 months had passed, and my sleep still hadn’t truly recovered, never deep enough to truly rest. How can I still be listening out, just in case Mum needs me?
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