#44 Thursday Thoughts: Does The Festive Season Affect or Change Your Grief?

Mum loved Christmas so much. She was the loudest to sing Christmas songs, she would have decorations up for far too long, and she loved every aspect of Christmas, apart from the cooking.

I feel like because Christmas doesn’t happen regularly, it can be a far more painful period of my grief than other times of the year. There are far too many lovely memories attached which I love to revisit, but can be quite overwhelming at times.

Do you feel similarly? Or do you feel completely differently?

Evee x

26 thoughts on “#44 Thursday Thoughts: Does The Festive Season Affect or Change Your Grief?

  1. A youngish relative left us suddenly a week before Christmas. It’s been a few years and only yesterday. I don’t do Christmas. It’s something I once did in memories.

    1. I get you. That is such a painful experience to have happened to you. I hope you can take time to look after yourself as much as you can <3 Sending you so much love and support x thank you for sharing xx

  2. After my mother died, I often found myself on Christmas day alone. There were no more obligatory gatherings of the family all together, and I no longer worked toward making or co-making such an event to happen. Sometimes I would get a tree for me, more often for my cat and me while I had the cat. She lived a long life for which I’m grateful and then died a few years ago. She did the cat-thing once and only one. She ran up the tree and then ran down. That was it; I don’t think she felt the cat-charm of the experience. She did, however, break one ornament a year by knocking it off the tree. That was her tradition. Anyway, without the company of even the cat, I haven’t done much to prepare for Christmas beyond shopping for my family and friends and sometimes shopping for me, which became increasingly pathetic. Now, I have gone to siblings’ homes for Christmas, which has been pleasant. I often feel, though, that I’m a visitor (which I am) and thus isolated from the center of the family fun. So I guess I got to a place where Christmas was a quiet day (or set of days) alone. Mostly, I have no complaint about this. I could wish, however, for a close group of my own and nearby.

    But what your question has made me realize–and I apologize for the impromptu essay–is that my mother’s passing did take the wind out of my sails for having Christmas as Christmas. Hmm.

    I do wish you both a grand Christmastide!–Christopher

    1. Hello Christopher,
      Thank you so much for your long comment, I loved to hear about your cat and christmases. I wish you a warm Christmas spent however you would enjoy it; with peace in your heart. Lots and lots of love, Evee xx

  3. I didn’t get offended, it takes a lot more than inferring zombieism (is that a word). However, I do now have to ask a zombie question:
    When all the world evolves and becomes vegan, even the zombies, will the zombies walk the Earth groaning

  4. I am okay with Christmas now. It took many years to redefine it. Perhaps the loss always lives with us all we just find ways to make it an acceptable part of our life. Know we are all thinking of you, each other, the losses we have gone through in the hope we all feel understood and connected. P & L Stella

      1. I suppose the grief took me to the margins of places where most others don’t reside. The people I met there and who I was myself then allowed me go through my losses in my own way. So much of what I went through others didn’t understand and those who did were a treasure to me. That process allowed me to choose the aspects of Christmas I wanted and the attitude towards it. I wrote about it in A Christmas Psychosis – I could only do that many years after.

        In acute grief there were years I couldn’t be with families – my partner then, would make me stay at his all day while he went to see his family, on his return we’d chat about how it all felt, I’d cry then we’d have wine, pudding, laughter and chill. It helped me heal.

        Today, for me Christmas is about having less, giving to others and indulging in things that bring comfort and joy.

        Each Christmas I buy a new decoration – this year I have a wonderful, beautiful wreath for my door. It’s my Christmas now . I enjoy it so much.

        Always reading what you write, and publish if a little behind!

        Sending festive thoughts Stella xx

  5. Not having lost a loved one near a holiday, there are no painful memories associated. But friends have, and it is especially important for them for those of us around them to be sensitive to the pain they endure when everyone in our culture is singing and rejoicing, to realize their isolation may just be a way of surviving another holiday without that loved one. Sometimes, all they need is someone to sit quietly or maybe reminisce about their loved one, and ignore the holiday with them.
    ❤️&🙏, c.a.

  6. I wrote about something similar too. It’s so hard to get through the ‘occasional’ days that are supposed to be celebratory, isn’t it? Sending love X

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