#53 Thursday Thoughts: Do You Feel Like Society Accepts Your Grief and Loss?

We asked this question over on Instagram, and the results astounded us! We would love to know what your true and honest opinions on society and acceptance of loss.

Katie & Evee x

25 thoughts on “#53 Thursday Thoughts: Do You Feel Like Society Accepts Your Grief and Loss?

  1. I believe that society understands our grief and loss, but they only ‘accept’ it if we outwardly stop showing our grieving within a short time after a loved one has passed. Many – perhaps even most of us- of us, commiserate and extend our sympathy for a few months at most. If those we care about are still outwardly grieving after a length of time, it becomes uncomfortable for us in knowing what to say when that person seems unable to move on towards healing. So, in a nutshell, my answer is “yes”, as long as our grief and loss are on display for an ‘acceptable’ time that ‘society’ dictates and then internalized.

    1. I feel that sentiment keenly. To me, it feels like if you express long term pain from loss, you are seen as not capable, or that you haven’t been handling it very well.
      Thank you so much for sharing your comment, I so agree with you, wholeheartedly.

  2. Grief over losing a person (or animal) to death is totally subjective. No 2 entities have the same relationship, so no one can actually feel the same grief I feel in losing my loved one. Therefore, it follows that no one else can really understand my grief, even if they are grieving, because our grief is not the same.
    I agree with “josborne17602”. Society accepts that we need to grieve for a season, and sadly they set their own ideals as to how long that season should be, after which we should be able to move on.
    My husband passed into Heaven 9 months ago, and before that time I thought I understood grieving, but it is far different than I expected. First, it is not linear. It is more like a parabola or a bouncing ball. Grieving seems to be getting better, and suddenly you miss the other person so much you just cannot stand it! Second, it is nearly unexplainable in that one moment I’m so glad he is no longer sick, and at the same time I miss him. I miss sharing with him, singing with him, joking with him, and being his wife. I wish he was here much of the time, but I’m glad he’s not. How can I have both emotions?
    Those are things people don’t understand until they experience them.
    I also believe that people don’t know if they should talk about the one who has passed, and if they do talk about him/her, what should they say? The whole subject is uncomfortable for them.

    1. This is such a true representation of how grief can manifest itself, and how complicated it can feel.
      I feel like grief and loss is so difficult because the griever is expected to coach everyone else through how to support them in their loss, whilst trying to work it out themselves!

  3. I think that they only accept it for a short period of time, truthfully. Beyond that, I think that people lose patience or maybe don’t know what to do or say…. Then I go to those who have allowed themselves to sink into their grief and feel it fully…. For as long as and whenever needed….

  4. If the question were Does society accept grief and loss? I’d say no. Nearly everything that’s promoted, marketed, sold, and enjoyed shows that only living matters. But since the question is Does society accept my grief and loss? then I think I can answer yes. When I read the question a few times, what came to mind was arranging a special flight so I could attend my grandmother’s funeral. The airline had a policy for this, and the agents were helpful and sympathetic. Generally, when I encounter people and end up speaking of loss, I find the responses kind and (variably) understanding. Generally, there seems to an acknowledgement that my time must go differently now. Without the usual, rapid-fire expectation. Well, you’ve given me much to think about, which you do give all the time. Thanks!

  5. Generally people do not feel “comfortable” with grief or loss. That is why so many avoid taking about death, and “your” grief or loss reminds them too much of their own mortality. However, there is a nun, Theresa Aletheia Noble, that you can find online who encourages us to “remember our death.” A healthy devotional for those who are unafraid to face the reality that “No One Here Gets Out Alive.” https://capost2k.wordpress.com/2015/12/06/no-one-here-gets-out-alive/
    But most of society is focused on youth, living ‘the good life’, finding happiness and avoiding pain. And I suspect society will become more enamored of its shallow view of life, as fun, ‘fulfillment’ and pleasure, without regard for what is good for the soul or eternity, as we approach the End of Days.
    For those who are ready, there will be no fear because Jesus’ love casts out fear. (1 John 4:18)
    ❀️&πŸ™, c.a.

  6. πŸ’œ A bit like Mental Health there is STIGMA!!! Associated with “Grief and Loss; basically “Society” at large has a ‘Stiff Upper Lip’ Attitude to Such Things

    …πŸ’›πŸ’šπŸ’™…

  7. Grief has a logic of its own. No amount of intellectualizing will get us past this time of profound loss. We are made up of both conscious and Unconscious elements. Jung asked, β€˜Has the Unconscious consciousness of its own?’ The answer is yes. Our grief goes deeper than our intellect, and affects what we think of as the unreasoning “Unconscious,” though it is not unconscious. It is an intimate part of us that has its own layer of grief to deal with, and needs to be respected, guided, and healed. In Sail Away on My Silver Dream, the psychiatrist has a plaque on his treatment room wall that says: “π•Ίπ–“π–‘π–ž π–™π–Šπ–†π–—π–˜ π–ˆπ–†π–“ π–‹π–—π–Šπ–Š π–šπ–˜ 𝖋𝖗𝖔𝖒 π–”π–šπ–— π–šπ–‘π–™π–Žπ–’π–†π–™π–Š π–˜π–†π–‰π–“π–Šπ–˜π–˜π–Šπ–˜.”

  8. I think society accepts grief and loss but only if it fits into certain expected, acceptable categories, and only if it is within a specific time frame. One of the reasons I wrote a series of reflection posts about my friend who committed suicide two years after the fact on my blog was that I didn’t feel like I had a socially acceptable place to share them

    1. Yes! Grief is accepted as long as it looks “conventional” and “appropriate”. Even though there is no such thing as a conventional and appropriate approach to loss.
      I hear you, that’s also why we started this blog!

  9. I found out that that those around me accepted my grief when my husband of twenty-two years died suddenly, but some of them had a hard time allowing me to act as the grieving spouse when it came to planning my husband’s service and claiming his inheritance. Both my husband’s family and the clergy where I had his memorial services cut me out without even realizing they were doing so. It was a sad awakening and complicated an already terrible time for me. Even though so much has changed for those of us in the LGBTQ+ community, but there is still work to be done when it comes to being gay and grieving.

    1. This is such a thought provoking comment. Thank you so much for sharing.
      I feel like being gay and grieving is not spoken about as much as it should be. Has this changed your ability to grieve, or your relationship with grief?
      As a bi person, I found that being part of the LGBTQ+ community did uncover feelings of grief that I felt completely alone in. I would love to hear more from your perspective! Would you feel comfortable maybe sharing a bit more as part of our As Told By You page? this is a page where individuals share their loss and experiences to the community <3 https://thegriefreality.com/category/you/

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