First posted in August 2019. We have grown so much more than we ever thought we would, and we want to share our earlier posts. We aim to reflect on the early struggles of our grief, and what we went through without our mum. We are proud of where we have come from, and of where we are going. We hope you are as well.
If you are struggling with your grief, that is okay. You are not alone.
This is something my mum would always say to us when we found ourselves teetering on the brink of a new change. That, coupled with “change is good” and “all good things”, yet my anxious young mind filled with dread at the prospect of changing teacher at the beginning of the school year, or going to secondary school at the end of year 6. Or later, when my parents separated, and we had to live in two different houses. I didn’t want change.
This time last year I feared the imminent changing of the season from summer to autumn. It meant that my life would be altered forever leaving me without that one person, who, up until that point, had held my hand through all of these changes throughout my life.
For Evee, however, change can’t come soon enough as we pack up the house and get her to university. We always knew that was the plan. But what the heck was I going to do, now that I’ve finished my education? The uncertainty flooded my mind with anxious thoughts; just as it did when I was small, but this time I couldn’t hide behind my mum.
Trying to take control and trusting my mum’s words, I have put all of my faith into the universe these past couple of weeks. Putting that little girl’s fear aside, I have opened my arms and welcomed change as I got on a train up to London for an interview.
To my surprise, the interview itself was actually really interesting. I quickly realised that considering what I have been through this past year, a conversation about why I’d like to work for this company really isn’t that scary. And, after dedicating my degree to the profession, I actually had quite a lot to say!
After the interview, I had a lot to reflect on. I concluded that I really, really, really liked the company, and regardless of whether they liked me or not, it was good practice and I am bloody proud of myself for even getting to this point after the year I’ve had, and now I should enjoy the rest of my day.
I went to lunch with one of my best friend’s and afterward she treated me to a cocktail on a rooftop bar and we flirted with the idea of what my life would look like if I did move to London. We accepted that, I’d definitely be broke, but I’d finally be close to my friends so it’d definitely be worth it.
And then they phoned me… Before I even got on my train home the company phoned me say that I was perfect for the role. Needless to say, I cried a few happy tears on the way home.
I realised that, actually, I’ve been crying a few more happy tears than sad ones recently. That’s definitely a good change.
So, we continue onwards and upwards as we close a chapter on Devon, and we are embracing life’s changes and manifesting “all good things”. “Change is good”.
I don’t feel fear like I used to. I’ve learnt that the only thing that you can actually count on in this life is, in fact, change. I don’t try and run away from it anymore; running away takes up too much energy anyway. It’s easier to face it straight on, embrace it, and jump.
Now, Universe, if you could sort out a nice, affordable room (emphasis on affordable).
Feeling hopeful, and grateful.
Thank you, Universe. Thank you, Mum.
Copyright © 2019 The Grief Reality. All Rights Reserved.