First posted in September 2019. We have grown so much more than we ever thought we would, and we want to share our earlier posts. We aim to reflect on the early struggles of our grief, and what we went through without our mum. We are proud of where we have come from, and of where we are going. We hope you are as well.
If you are struggling with your grief, that is okay. You are not alone.
I am sat on my bed, as I have done so many times before. Yet I am aware this time is one of the last times I will be here: my feet grazing the wood of my room, fingers typing away, a small smile on my face.
This is also the first time I have sat here with the prospect of no return. I can’t say I am unhappy about it.
I cannot wait for the day this house becomes a home again, and is filled with laughter, smiles, and unapologetic, loud vibrancy. I know it will be a lovely shelter for somebody new, soon enough.
I cannot wait for the calls from Katie, to be able to hear the happiness through the phone, for her happiness to spark with my own. I can’t wait to see her in London and feel that un-abound joy buckling out of my body. I cannot wait for Christmas in her apartment, where undoubtedly, we will laugh so much at the cooking, from one too many wines. I look at her daily and my heart almost breaks from the pride I feel to call her, not just my sister, but my best friend. I will be on the sidelines with Mum cheering her on as she moves forward.
I cannot wait to live for myself. I cannot wait for a new city to sprawl before me, my new favourite cafes and bookshops yet to be found. I cannot wait to decorate my new room and sit on that bed, typing away. I cant wait to be telling stories to the new people I will meet, in what I am sure will be a sticky, messy, student kitchen. I cannot wait to feel the crispness of autumn beneath my feet, nor the cold winter winds tussling my hair.
I am ready for new beginnings, and I’ll greet them with open, inviting arms.
I cannot wait to be Evee in my new life, and for Katie to be Katie in hers. I am ready for it now.
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