I wondered whether Mummy felt this way too when she was in hospital and whether I did enough to comfort her. I hope she never felt alone when she was with me.
What they didn’t know was that I was slowly losing it. My grades were the only thing I could even begin to control. I believed the only thing I could truly count on was that in March 2019 I would be at university. The hardest thing I had to do was leave my mum curled up on the sofa to revise for my exams. Repeatedly I beat myself up for being so selfish, but I promised myself that I would have all of summer to be with my Mum.
Thank you so much to Linda for her vulnerability and candour. This post, I am sure everyone will agree, is simply a stunning depiction of grief. I think gently, and with purpose, Linda depicts her emotions beautifully. It is with a heavy heart that I say this was a wonderful read. Sending a big hug to you Linda.
Hearing the click of the switch as they started treatment. I wish it on no one, not even an enemy.
We cannot thank Bretta enough for sharing such a raw post about loving and losing her mum. So many people feel shame or guilt after losing their person; “if only I could have done or said…” Managing these tumultuous emotions can be the single most difficult thing to come to terms with. One day you will accept that you coped the best way you knew how to at the time, and when you are feeling stronger you will forgive yourself and take your person’s kindness with you. Thank you, Bretta.
How could I still be listening out, just in case Mum needed me?
Today, I bleed. In the space of a year, everything has changed.
I felt emotionally exhausted and wanted the opportunity to transfer this emotional struggle into a physical challenge that I could overcome, learn and develop from.