For a person who epitomized life itself, it was a setback to be ravaged by cancer. A woman who was on her toes for most part of her day, it was upsetting to be confined to a bed. And, a lady who liked to dress up, losing her crowning glory to treatment was a massive blow.
How could I still be listening out, just in case Mum needed me?
Today, I bleed. In the space of a year, everything has changed.
I felt emotionally exhausted and wanted the opportunity to transfer this emotional struggle into a physical challenge that I could overcome, learn and develop from.
It makes me feel bad that my family have had to look after me so much. I hate being a burden, boring and a frustration. I hate that they had to wake up in the night to help me with medicines or when I was throwing up.
I wondered whether Mummy felt this way too when she was in hospital and whether I did enough to comfort her. I hope she never felt alone when she was with me.
What they didn’t know was that I was slowly losing it. My grades were the only thing I could even begin to control. I believed the only thing I could truly count on was that in March 2019 I would be at university. The hardest thing I had to do was leave my mum curled up on the sofa to revise for my exams. Repeatedly I beat myself up for being so selfish, but I promised myself that I would have all of summer to be with my Mum.
Thank you so much to Linda for her vulnerability and candour. This post, I am sure everyone will agree, is simply a stunning depiction of grief. I think gently, and with purpose, Linda depicts her emotions beautifully. It is with a heavy heart that I say this was a wonderful read. Sending a big hug to you Linda.
Hearing the click of the switch as they started treatment. I wish it on no one, not even an enemy.