I thought I’d never be able to endure this loss. But I suffered my biggest fear over the last 10 months and I’m still surviving it now. More than that, I finally feel as though I am in a position to start living again and putting myself back together.
Chiquitita, you and I cry,
But the sun is still in the sky and shining above you.
Your grief is seen and felt, even at the time of the Christmas spirit and when all is merry. You are seen. You are heard. Your loved one, nor you, is forgotten.
I would like a conversation, where we talk about life and living and what it all means. Maybe after, my brain will turn into liquid and drip into dreams.
Now I am faced with life after Mum. Life without Mum, with myself, a stranger, who still bases their decisions on what their Mum would do.
Today is one of the days where I kneel humbled by my grief. I am not bowled over by it, I am not stressed about it, I am simply shaken by it.
I am looking forward to the photography opportunities, the cold wind and then being cosy and warm indoors. 🤍
Before, roller skating meant the art of learning to love myself without having to aim for perfection, and now it is about freedom and healing. When I am skating, I can be whoever I need to be, feeling anything I need to feel.
Shrunken shoulders, bent in pain
Sadness and tears unrestrained
Bring forth whispers of your name
That’s one of the most difficult things about losing my mum, I just want to tell her how difficult life is without her in it.