You were always there to tell me how proud you were and to tell me to never give up. I didn’t. I didn’t give up because you never gave up. You taught me to never give up, and we didn’t, did we?
I’m running towards a finish line I simply can’t see, crowds and crowds of people clapping for their children, and I know my mum is still cheering for me.
I felt closer to him reading these than I have since he was killed—as he wrote in one of them, “Some words are worth a thousand pictures.”
But that’s grief, isn’t it? It comes when you least expect it. When you find a video you sent to your mum, of you in a pyjama set she bought you, tucked in a bed she kissed you goodnight in, cuddling the cat you both loved so much together.
I see a girl who got through a difficult year of her life. It was nothing like the worst, but it was nothing like the easiest. I see a girl who has been hurt, who has healed, and who looks to the future with bright eyes. I see a girl who is not perfect, who makes a plethora of mistakes, who has a library of stories and someone who keeps on trying, no matter what.
We never had any Big Talks. But over those three months we slowly rediscovered each other. Nothing magical (unless you count being able to laugh together again magical). Just us.
~ I hope I can bring you a small moment of peace as well ~
A video I spent way too long working on.
House plants are a joy to have in your room or in your home. They don’t ask for anything in return. They look after you, when you look after them.
Taking time out of your day to peacefully prune back your plants, taking the time to water them, and gently read about them is quite meditative for me.
Today I’m feeling grief from loss. It’s been buried for a long time and I’m grateful I can feel it today to let it go. Sometimes circumstances in the present bring up unhealed pain from my past. That’s what this is. Talking about it with trusting friends always helps and they usually identify which is comforting.
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