Despite the fact that I write this isolating in my little room awaiting my PCR result at 01:00 on New Years day, I choose to believe that 2022 is going to be an amazing year. After all, we’ve gotten this far, haven’t we?
Now I am faced with life after Mum. Life without Mum, with myself, a stranger, who still bases their decisions on what their Mum would do.
That’s one of the most difficult things about losing my mum, I just want to tell her how difficult life is without her in it.
What they didn’t know was that I was slowly losing it. My grades were the only thing I could even begin to control. I believed the only thing I could truly count on was that in March 2019 I would be at university. The hardest thing I had to do was leave my mum curled up on the sofa to revise for my exams. Repeatedly I beat myself up for being so selfish, but I promised myself that I would have all of summer to be with my Mum.
It’s been a slow transition but I wish I could tell my counsellor that I finally stepped down from that tightrope where I couldn’t put a foot wrong. I wish I could tell her that actually “Katie does make mistakes” but I can handle them – it’s okay.