Time to prepare for his funeral/memorial service. Time to get his financial affairs in order. And even time to give in to anticipatory grief.
I thought I’d never be able to endure this loss. But I suffered my biggest fear over the last 10 months and I’m still surviving it now. More than that, I finally feel as though I am in a position to start living again and putting myself back together.
How could I still be listening out, just in case Mum needed me?
I felt emotionally exhausted and wanted the opportunity to transfer this emotional struggle into a physical challenge that I could overcome, learn and develop from.
Do I care about the people on there, or do I simply find it comforting? The stroking of my phone as I scroll, and the big red heart that comes up when I press like? I put it down, gasping for air.
What does grief mean to you?
I am looking forward to the photography opportunities, the cold wind and then being cosy and warm indoors. 🤍
Before, roller skating meant the art of learning to love myself without having to aim for perfection, and now it is about freedom and healing. When I am skating, I can be whoever I need to be, feeling anything I need to feel.
Shrunken shoulders, bent in pain
Sadness and tears unrestrained
Bring forth whispers of your name
That’s one of the most difficult things about losing my mum, I just want to tell her how difficult life is without her in it.