Sometimes I am deeply grateful that Mum has been protected from the fear and uncertainty we are facing. But other times, I am terrified and all I want is a cuddle from my mum, telling me it will all be okay.
Today, I bleed. In the space of a year, everything has changed.
I remember a page where I just scribbled “WHY”. One word which took up the whole page. I scratched it in so much the letters were thick and black but each time I drove my pen into the paper I felt a release.
I lay in the sun, and saw a spider. It was a tiny smudge against the blue. Long, desperate webs trailed from its body like a single stitch that bore witness to the little life hurtling through the sky. Rather than fix him in a physical place, this web stitched the spider into my mind. I often come back to him.