That’s one of the most difficult things about losing my mum, I just want to tell her how difficult life is without her in it.
I jumped into the uber, politely asked how my driver was doing, and after exchanging pleasantries, he asked me what year I was in.
“Third year.” I said with a polite smile.
Life is good, and I’m enjoying every second of it!
Whether we mean it or not, productivity is charged with a complex definition; what you produce has to be something we can measure against society’s standards, and it has to be useful.
What they didn’t know was that I was slowly losing it. My grades were the only thing I could even begin to control. I believed the only thing I could truly count on was that in March 2019 I would be at university. The hardest thing I had to do was leave my mum curled up on the sofa to revise for my exams. Repeatedly I beat myself up for being so selfish, but I promised myself that I would have all of summer to be with my Mum.
I’m running towards a finish line I simply can’t see, crowds and crowds of people clapping for their children, and I know my mum is still cheering for me.
Motivation feels like a flying bird: in your eye line for a second, and then gone forever more.
I read a quote once: “My mum taught me everything except how to live without her”.
I felt closer to him reading these than I have since he was killed—as he wrote in one of them, “Some words are worth a thousand pictures.”